Coping with Loss and Challenging Life Transitions: An Exploration of Personal Experiences and Coping Strategies
Neven Melek discusses coping strategies and experiences related to loss and challenging life transitions. Melek reflects on her own experience of losing her mother and her transition to a new life in Canada. She discusses the importance of coping mechanisms and models associated with grief in supporting individuals suffering from mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and trauma. Melek suggests various coping mechanisms, such as relaxation, physical activity, and creative expression, to reduce stress while undergoing significant life changes. She also emphasizes the need to be aware of the problem and identify the issue to build a solution that may help alleviate distress. Finally, Melek reflects on how working on oneself and awareness is essential in developing skills and understanding the importance of coping mechanisms, particularly in counselling for loss and challenging life transitions.
The notion that “everyone grieves in their own way” has become a cliche, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t contain some truth. Although there are similarities in how people cope with loss, each person's grief is often diverse. Over the course of life, different circumstances can occur, some of which frequently induce trauma and hardship, especially when it is related to losing a loved one or dealing with challenging life transitions unexpectedly or without proper preparation. This often leads to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and trauma, which, if not identified, can take over and seriously affect one's daily life. These unpleasant conditions demand adaptive responses from the person themself. In some cases, immediate crisis intervention is required so that victims can better adapt and cope with their new life situations.
Coping involves adjusting to difficult events and circumstances using available resources to reduce distress. Healthy coping can be a crucial factor in overcoming challenges. This essay explores my experience of loss after my mother's death two years ago and my grieving process thereafter. I also reflect briefly on the distress I experienced during my transition to a new life in Canada, which I now call home. I discuss the sources of help available at the time, the coping strategies that were helpful to me, and the factors that increased my resilience and grew my coping skills. Finally, I will discuss what I could others with similar circumstances that might improve their outcomes.
“I needed Canada to see me not just as a victim of oppression, but as a lawyer with skills and experience, as an agent of positive change in the world with so much more to give.”
First, there is an abstract interpretation of coping that connects freedom, and it is different for every person that steps foot on the soil of a new country in pursuit of shelter and refuge. The nightmare of leaving everyone and everything you know is followed by trauma and a dream of a new life. While I'm not sure exactly which path each person will tread, I am confident that each heart follows the route to freedom and that hope is resilient. Why is it then, that reality often falls far short of these dreams?
Perhaps it is because we (the new arrival and the host country) misunderstand each other. Perhaps we have different expectations of what each other are capable of or willing to do. We should start the conversation again, this time by asking some fundamental questions. For example, what does the welcoming country provide, and is it enough? Is each side capable of giving more – and receiving more – in this relationship?
At least for now, the answer for a woman coming to Canada alone, without relatives or friends, escaping a threat but with a strong desire to keep contributing to society and working for justice was harsh. Coming to Canada gave me safety, for which I will always be grateful, but I also found loneliness and isolation.
So how does one cope with the struggle of choosing to speak out against injustices at the cost of your life, and when that is spared, what does one do with that life?
Canada has been my friend. This country took me in when I had to flee. But honestly, I needed a bit more from my new home after I arrived. I needed Canada to see me not just as a victim of oppression, but as a lawyer with skills and experience, as an agent of positive change in the world with so much more to give. I wanted this from Canada not because I am greedy or ungrateful but because I want to give back and grow into a position where I can contribute the benefit of my education and what I have learned over years of practice to ccontinue to fight for exactly the causes Canadians believe in: peace, justice, and democracy.
In my perfect world, at the very least, there would be certification of my degree to integrate into the professional community. I have invested time and money in my education.
My journey as a woman by herself, leaving behind a family and an enviable lifestyle, is fraught with anxiety that has rendered me powerless. So, at the same time, I am introducing myself to Canada. I must re-introduce myself to myself.
When I experienced the sorrow of losing my mother in the year 2021 my pain was deepened because I could not attend her funeral back home or even see her for the last time while she was sick. Since then, I have found myself avoiding friends and other associates. On reflection, friends and associates reminded me of "the me" I had lost.
Neven Melek
The pain would come and go. I often cried on my own. I experienced emotional distress such as depression and anxiety for over one year and felt lost. Although functioning, I was no longer myself. I started having frequent dreams of my mother and would look forward to going to bed for so much time that I could feel comfortable. However, I realized that my feeling of loss was taking over my life when I decided to find a way to get back to myself.
Coping is a mechanism that can bring some order or sequence, some sense of awareness to get out of the opposite happening in a shocking situation or diverted badly from the path. Problem-solving involves identifying the issue at hand and appraising one's resources to build a solution that may help alleviate distress. Then awareness of the situation induces another system of order to get into an organized path, either a methodical body movement or a mental sequence procedure. Epperson (1977) described six stages families typically go through to reach equilibrium- anxiety, denial, anger, remorse, grief, and reconciliation. It is essential to understand these critical situations and build awareness, which is mostly the realization of the issue.
The coping mechanisms that worked for me could also work for many others. Relaxation as coping includes activities that aim to relax the mind and body. This includes muscle relaxation, listening to music, and being in a comfortable space. Another way to induce relaxation is simply focusing on breathing, even counting slowly on inhaling and exhaling. Vocalizations, such as chanting, sighing deeply, and repeating expansive sounds, such as "a-ohm," help some people to relax.
Engaging in physical activity serves as a natural way to find a release of tension in the muscles as well as helps to calm the mind. It is a beautiful way to release stress through physical activity. Finding a creative release- expressing your problems through an innovative method, for instance, through art, or another hobby, when spending some quality time is a healthy form of coping.
These strategies are essential to reduce stress while undergoing significant life changes. I have volunteered at some local gardening community activities to get authentic practice and develop my confidence and skills. Being a community helper within the counselling knowledge will also help me understand more about myself and where I wish to focus my future potential. It is helping me to move forward to becoming a better person and a helper.
In short, with this beautiful and challenging self-reflection, I am growing as a person and a helper. I am learning how vital the coping strategies and models associated with grief are to allow a helper to support a person suffering genuinely. My knowledge of the skills and mechanisms that identify the problem confirms the new me. Therefore, finding the best coping practice is crucial in life, death, crisis, and counselling. Being able to work on myself and my awareness is also an essential process in developing my use and understanding of not just the skills but why they are so important, particularly in counselling in loss and challenging life transitions.
